Here's an obituary that we're writing after a fake press conference in class last Tuesday. This is the revised version.

KALAMAZOO NAVAL HERO AND FIREFIGHTER DIES
By Sakhi Vyas

KALAMAZOO, Mich. -- Local naval hero, Jeffrey R. Ahson, 79, died of emphysema last night at his home in Kalamazoo.
Mr. Ahson served during World War II as a petty officer in the Navy, said Lt. Cmdr. Jeraldine Fyfe. He was assigned aboard the USS Emery during the Battle of Midway in 1942. During the course of the battle, he crossed a burning deck, removed four wounded soldiers, and removed the body of a gunner before taking over the gunner's position and shooting down three enemy planes. For this, he was awarded the Purple Heart, Navy Cross, and was promoted to the rank of ensign, according to Lt. Cmdr. Fyfe.
Born in Chico, Calif., he moved to Kalamazoo in 1946 after his time with the Navy. Mr. Ahson was locally known as a firefighter. He and other firefighters restored antique fire trucks as a hobby and then drove the trucks to locals schools. A 1924 fire truck restored by Mr. Ahson and other firefighters is on permanent display at the Kalamazoo Valley Museum. Mr. Ahson served as a firefighter until 1966 when he joined Don Seelye Ford until 1985.
He also served as Post Commander of the American Legion Post 702 and VFW Post 4206. He was also a member of the Elks Lodge, National Checkers Association, and Gideons International. Parish members know him as an usher at the John Calvin Presbyterian Church.
Mr. Ahson is survived by his wife, Theresa Alpert; three children; five grandchildren; and five great-grandchildren.
Services will be held at Littleton Mortuary at 10:00 a.m. Saturday followed immediately by the burial at Memorial Park Cemetery. Viewings will be held at the Mortuary on Friday between 4:00-5:30 p.m. and 7:30-9:00 p.m. The family requests no flowers.

-xxx-

I just want to reflect quickly on our assignment from Tuesday. We had a "press conference" in class with Lt. Cmdr. Jeraldine Fyfe (aka. Prof Heinritz) and it was really cool!

We had to write a fake obituary on a local soldier who died at his home in Kalamazoo yesterday. I had a great time with the whole experience, because it was both realistic and yet so unlikely.

Real, because we had a 20 minutes conference where she talked, I scribbled like mad, and then proceeded to write an article on a deadline. Towards the last few minutes, I was so hyper and jittery (though it might have been because of the extremely strong coffee that I'd made before class). But I imagine that a real journalist's heart must race 1000 miles a second during those last few moments before deadline.

The whole experience was also extremely unreal. First of all, my classmates and I were technically all journalists striving to write the best article for our respective papers. But, instead of competing and being stealthy about our information, a small group of us sat down at the row of computers on the second floor of the library and were talking/laughing/sharing information for the remainder of the time. I'm not sure that is entirely allowed and I know it's definitely not an accurate re-creation of a typical journalist's experience. But it was so sweet to be part of that group. We spelled out names, honorific titles, ships, battles, AP technicalities, capital and lower case letters, and even punctuation for each other. Our camaraderie in this assignment was a really beautiful thing to observe and be part of. Especially because we're students and I don't think that we necessarily face the competition that real, working people do on a day to day basis. I don't really know the reasons or psychology behind that, but I just thought that was a very refreshing class period.

ok if any of my classmates are reading this, I'll see you all in 9 hours. Go to sleep soon :)

Another great article that I read recently and have definitely been mulling over: click here
Thomas Friedman's latest article about Generation Q has got my mind running! I don't think I can handle analyzing the writing without putting in some of my own opinions on the content. Anyways, here goes:

I loved the core of his lede: "...the more I am around this generation of college students, the more I am both baffled and impressed"
This sentence appeals to a great variety of audiences. The contradiction between being baffled and impressed raises some skepticism and curiosity for students about whom he is writing as well as the parent generation and even grandparent generation who probably have similar feelings. He explains nicely in the next line:

"I am impressed because they are so much more optimistic and idealistic than they should be. I am baffled because they are so much less radical and politically engaged than they need to be."

To be honest, I'm not sure if I am flattered by my generation's optimism or offended by his perception of our apathy toward social and political activism.

First, he flatters us:
He talks about our involvement as students and young people in the workforce in the wake of September 11th and its subsequent events. His discussion of increased travel for my generation, particularly in the dimension of study abroad appealed to me. As a Kalamazoo College student among the 86% of my peers who studied abroad, I definitely support his mention of intercultural understanding as a crucial aspect for the future.

He also addresses my generation's enthusiasm for volunteer work. Perhaps it is in this light of "diving deeper than ever" that my generation strives for personal satisfaction in our work rather than fame and glory. Programs like "Teach for America" and Peace Corps are, like he said, increasingly popular - I see it in my own college's daily campus announcements.

I suppose that after those notes, he is justified in referring to us as "Generation Q - the Quiet Americans, in the best sense of that term, quietly pursuing their idealism, at home and abroad." Beautifully written - I do feel a sense of pride to be referred to as one such Generation Q-er.

I also understand his following argument of GenQ as too quiet and too online for our own good. We have been raised under the notion that everything can happen with just the press of a button in an increasingly wireless world; my generation faces serious potential to fall into the trap of living solely through a screen and keyboard. And as a personal observation, too many students have already begun "plugging out of life" as quoted by a friend of mine. Initially, the phrase was in reference to the newest iPod or other small gadget which allows one to become absorbed in something other than real life. It seems that my generation is definitely taking the quiet path, partly because we are marching to the beat of a different drum from our earbuds.

Friedman suggests that GenQ "would be doing itself a favor, and America a favor, if it demanded from every candidate that comes on campus to answer three questions: What is your plan for mitigating climate change? What is your plan for reforming Social Security? What is your plan for dealing with the deficit - so we all won't be working for China in 20 years?" It's a good suggestion for us to be so demanding. His references to GenQ e-mailing and mouse clicking our way into politics are frightening. But I wonder to what credibility we sign on to such online petitions that supposedly save the world.

Friedman concluded by reverting back to his original scene of college campus visits. A statue is what impressed him most. I really liked the symbolism of that. The substance of this statue is so dynamically different from any sort of online Google or Wikipedia article that tells the story of a courageous man. Under this conclusion, I can see that Friedman's ideas fall with the solid forms of courage and confidence in students - exactly that which is praised us for earlier in the piece.

There is substance to the power of that statue. So, when he praises us for our quiet convictions in humanitarian work and grassroots passions, he is trying to stimulate my generation to get involved in tried and true ways of changing the world.

Another great article by Thomas Friedman - thanks!

For more reflections, check out the responses that followed Sunday's publication of this article by clicking here.

So, this next assignment concerns obituaries. Discussing the process of writing obituaries in class was rather strange. In the end, it is a journalist's responsibility to sum up a life and accurately portray it to all audiences. That's a lot of pressure! On top of which, while it's easy to skim over these important pieces while reading the paper, writing one out is extremely draining.

I read an extremely well-written obituary in the New York Times online today. Werner von Trapp died yesterday at his home in Waitsfield, VT at the age of 91. died Click here for the link.

Here's what I thought:
The introduction was well placed. I was a little bit skeptical about the numerous mentions at "The Sound of Music" and his relation to the movie. However, I realize that in such a widely read newspaper, the obituary should open his lifestory to the widest of audiences. I guess I don't know if a characterized depiction of his early life should be one of the main focuses. In a more personal paper, though, I'm sure that his personal lifestory is highlighted.
The next parts of the obituary talk about his achievements, mostly centered around his musical interests, though his time with the US Army during WWII is also highlighted.
Overall, it was a nicely written obituary.

Inverted Pyramid Exercise

Page 181, exercise 1 of Rich:
Summary Lead
Backup (quotes and facts)
Supporting Points
Ending

Potential connections with cancer led to a ban on the use of hand-held radar guns by Connecticut State Police, yesterday, in Meriden, Conn.

The ban was ordered as a precaution following concerns that troopers could develop cancer from long-term exposure to radiation waves emitted by the radar guns. The ban was implemented two months after three municipal police officers in Connecticut filed workers' compensation claims relating cancer to the use of the hand-held radar guns currently under investigation.

The ban will withdraw 70 devices, while state troopers continue to utilize radar units with transmitters mounted on the outside of their cruisers.

"The feeling here is to err on the side of caution until more is known about the issue," said Adam Berluti, state police spokesman. "The whole situation is under review."


Ok, so a few things. I realize now that I didn't cite a source in the summary lede. I think it should be ok, since I am talking about the State Police department (which is a pretty official thing). Yes?
Also, I decided to start out by answering the "why" rather than the who/what/where. I think that focusing heavily on the cancer claim opens the article to a wider range of audiences, not just those directly involved with or related to Connecticut State Troopers. It might even spark other concerns about what other transmitters may/may not link with cancer down the road.
Finally, the whole article seems to be weighed down by possibilities, which I think is a safe bet. I introduce with "Potential connections" and end with the whole situation "under review" which implies that there may or may not be a problem, but if so, it is getting taken care of. There isn't a real sense of urgency, but more of concern. I don't know that this would necessarily be a lede story, but it's still very relevant.

"A prominent human rights lawyer in Beijing says he was abducted, beaten and threatened over the weekend by a gang of men who demanded that he and his family leave the city."

This is a fantastic lede to an article on the top of page A5 of my October 3 New York Times. In "thesis" style, a lede is the focal point of the written piece. Unlike a thesis which requires further supporting paragraphs, however, the lede has all of the information packed into one vital sentence. I think the beauty of a good lede shines when it effectively launches the piece to a variety of audiences while pulling the readers into as though the article was personalized for each individual.

This particular lede is a perfect summary of the article, clearly states the necessary information, and still offers a hint of mystery which engages the reader into the rest of the story. The article illustrates solid hard-news event coverage, especially with two aspects of time-sensitivity. First, because the whole ordeal took place over the weekend. Secondly, the world is closely scrutinizing China in the wake of the upcoming Olympics in Beijing 2008. With that, the reader is presented with concise information, but the lede (and article as a whole) encourages the reader to draw his/her own conclusions and search for more details on the subject.

Nice work, David Barboza

Click here to read article