Assignment after a series of in-class press conferences. Here's my revised version:
FIRE IN OAKWOOD KILLS CHILD
By Sakhi Vyas
Following the 2:10 a.m. phone call to the fire department, firefighters arrived on the scene and found that the seven of the ten tenants had escaped the fire. Kalamazoo Fire Department’s Sam Walshe of Company 4 and James O’Brian of Company 2 pulled out the three children trapped on the second floor of the building, according to Clarksen. Tiffany Blanchard, 3, and her brothers Tory, 5, and Terry, 6, were taken to
Marie Blanchard, one of the tenants, is believed to have been the target of arson by an estranged boyfriend, Vincent DeNofrio, 33, of Mattawan, said Lt. Regina Santarpio.
In violation of city codes, smoke detectors were not found in the duplex. Approximately $250,000 in damages resulted from the fire, according to the Fire Department. Further investigation of the cause of fire is in progress under Fire Marshall Sam Johnson.
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4 comments:
Well done. Good job setting up the information to make it an A+ effort.
Nice structure. The lede is a bit wordy and the fact that the paragraphs are not defined in the post makes it difficult for me to read. I really liked the organization you used. :)
its weird reading these pieces over and over again, and somehow yours stands out. Nice Job
Hi-
yours is a nice work-
good work
rgards
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